


State Secrets

by TaxicabKanefessions



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-24 08:17:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20702828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaxicabKanefessions/pseuds/TaxicabKanefessions
Summary: The demons have been happy, which is bad news for everyone else. It's up to Gabriel to find out exactly why.





	State Secrets

Beelzebub could be a tough read when ze wanted to be. The bored and indifferent poker face had been perfected over the millenia, and outside of breaks for extreme emotion, it’d only change to look even more unimpressed.

It wasn’t that Gabriel was surprised when he came into the meeting room to be greeted by an annoyed sigh and crossed arms. He’d just sort of hoped he wouldn't.

According to the reports from the field agents, Hell was… happy. Actively, almost rapturously so, and for reasons that seemed to go well past their current temptations.

The first few reports had been noted but mostly ignored, as a handful of giddy demons meant nothing. But then they just kept coming, reaching huge numbers and including demons who up until that point had never so much as cracked a smile as far as Heaven knew.

Something was in the works, and he’d volunteered to figure it out since he'd had a meeting scheduled anyway. It could turn dull formality into an amazing deduction game.

Or it would be the same boring slog through the same paperwork as always. And, thanks to wanting to get out of there as fast as possible, no amount of hinting would make Beelzebub pause zir drone through the contracts.

When a form was passed over for him to sign, and Beelzebub waited in silence, he decided to forget the subterfuge for the forward approach.

“So," he said, brightly. "I hear your plans are working out.”

“Heard from who?” Beelzebub asked, harshly, as ze took the contracts back.

“Oh, just around.” He waved his hand for emphasis.

"And what planzzz are these, exactly?" Ze pressed, the buzz in zir voice thick and threatening. "And which one of your lot is…"

"Beelzebub." He held up a placating hand. "You know we don't interfere in long term-"

"I also know how over-eager angels who are looking for recognition get. I will not have my agentzzz endangered because zzzomeone thought they heard something."

"You know I won't let that happen."

"Evidently you know more than I do," ze spat.

"Stop it," he said, his tone firm and exhausted. "We've worked together for how long and you think I'm going to allow my people go rouge on you?"

"I want names, Gabriel," Beelzebub said. Ze jabbed a finger down on the table. "And exactly what each one of them has reported."

"You're basically asking for a complete list of my field agents, and I'm not doing that. You wouldn't do that, either." He held up his hand to hold off the comments. "But I will tell you nobody mentioned a plan. They only reported that demons seemed… very happy."

"Happy," ze repeated.

"Exactly. And the only time I've ever heard of a demon, and especially demons collectively, being happy is when a plan is coming together."

"Zo you assumed?" Ze pressed.

"Yes. Well..." He waved a hand as if to motion to the line of Archangels who stood behind him for this sort of thing. "We did. It's not really of concern to your average angel."

Beelzebub rested zir chin on zir palm. "And so which one of your line voluntold you to be the one to find it out?"

Gabriel scoffed at the idea that anyone other than God was able to tell him to do anything. "I took it upon myself," he insisted. He proudly pressed his fingers to his chest. "Since I'm the most likely to get answers."

A smirk nearly cracked on zir face as Beelzebub leaned in. "Oh, really? Your team must be downright terrible, then."

"I just have a way with certain demons," he said, lightly.

"Like the sort who like being owed favors?"

He gave her a look that meant to be disciplinary, but was a bit more pleading than he'd hoped. "I was really hoping the sort who just liked keeping amicable business relations."

Beelzebub shook zir head. "Fresh out of those."

"Then a favor demon will work fine."

Beelzebub leaned forward a bit more. "And you're going to ensure your dogs are on their leashes?"

He nodded, firmly. "Every single one."

Ze looked him over, and sat back once ze was satisfied. "Fine. I guezz I can share. You know the 20 year gap for technology to sink down to us?"

"... Yes?"

"Well." Beelzebub fished something from zir pocket. A smile was barely contained when ze held out a hand to present zir prize. "These finally came down!"

Gabriel leaned forward to examine a blocky, rudimentary…

"You got mp3 players."

"Yes, they're amazing!" Beelzebub said, and walked him though all the primitive features. "They hold all the music we want, and don't even skip when we're ascending."

"Well, congratulations." He fought back a sigh as he tapped his files against the table. It was hard to tell if he was more relieved or annoyed that this was what he owed a favor for. He'd settle for amused in seeing Beelzebub as close to giddy as he was sure ze'd ever been.

Heaven was several decades ahead of technology, which made it difficult to figure out what Hell would get next. Regardless, he was sure it wouldn't be long before he got reports about more abnormally happy demons.

And, now that he knew what ze liked, maybe he could bring a happy Beelzebub about any time he wanted.


End file.
